Date: Wed, 12 Jun 1996 08:41:52 -0700
From: gashgirl@-
To: snakeboy@-
Subject: Re: reflections on punishment

r

<how fond i am of that familiar small r which sits patiently on the screen, it's so . . .understated, holds within it a simple elegance, you'd never believe it was wearing a cockring somewhere under its arching curve>

this madness won't destroy you
it may change you
~for ever~
things may never seem quite the same again
you *know* you probably won't be able to eat a mango ever again without remembering me, remembering the sweet savage crimes you perpetrated for my pleasure, for your freedom

but it won't destroy you
reduce you to nothing
make you less than what you were before we met here

this meeting of minds
gives you a rare and potent space to
re-create yourself
rewrite your source code
beta test it with other free radicals
whom you are strangely attracted to

i'm pleased you can't turn away
i want you here
i want you with me

Date: Mon, 24 Jun 1996 11:37:23 -0400
To: gashgirl@-
From: snakeboy@-
Subject: Re: wisps of sadness brushing my face

and if i *was* there? with you? what would we do - where would you take me?
would you want to go somewhere and sit and have a cappucino?
or take me to a bar so we could get drunk together?
take a long walk in the woods?

would we touch? immediately? or would it take time... or perhaps not happen at all?

(dearest, i am not asking these questions to be difficult or challenging, purely out of real curiosity. it's just that i have had the fantasy so many times now, i wonder if you do as well and how it plays out in your mind - sometimes i think that if we were to see each other after this long intimate dialogue -- we could become mute! that would be an irony, no? my guess is that i would need to turn off my mind for a while to hold you and touch you and...)

Date: Tue, 25 Jun 1996 08:47:50 -0700
From: gashgirl@-
To: snakeboy@-
Subject: scenario 1

I'm on train
in one of those sleeping compartments with six faded red velvet seats
first class
alone
travelling north
or is it east
it doesn't really matter

outside different countries, climates unfold
flat white houses against searing blue mediterranean sky
yellow and ochre and terracotta villas set against curvacious hay bales
seriously red wooden huts dotted amongst the firs
there is no destination stamped on my ticket
no dates
I can stay on the train for ever

I'm meeting someone
I don't know which station he will board from
he doesn't know what I look like
I don't have a photograph of him
I've never heard his voice even
but somehow we will recognise each other
of this I am certain

I sleep

when I awake he is there sitting next to me
he's been there for a long time staring at me
softly stroking me
picking up my hand and looking at it
as if he could better understand me this way

I smile
'you're here'
'yes'

I curl into his lap
there is nothing to say
nothing that words can express
and so we are silent

he lifts my face gently
I fall into his gaze
everything else falls away
we stare at each other for a long time
as day deepens into an endless dusk
we cannot part
our hands cannot separate
sometimes he lies with his head in my lap
breathing slowly, breathing in me

this tender stillness lasts until nightfall
only when the full canopy of winter stars illuminates the world outside
do the lovers kiss
and tenderness turns to passion

wordless still
apart from the collision of endearments and more primal sounds
they take each other slowly
urgently
many times
weeping
laughing
every touch a kiss
a kiss for every letter exchanged
at the time they think this night will never end
and maybe it doesn't

stop

<don't ever stop>

Date: Fri, 26 Jul 1996 21:14:56 -0400
From: snakeboy@-
To: gashgirl@-
Subject: what is this?

i bet you tease those boys mercilessly

but not nearly as badly as you tease me

allowing me to love you

but not touch you

you've told me you "miss me"
and i've been tempted to ask you how you can "miss" someone you've never met

yet i know that that is not a fair question because it is unanswerable and
perhaps irrelevant

the truth is

i miss you too

and i don't understand it

and i can't explain it

but the truth is that when i don't hear from you for even 24 hours

i feel like something terribly important is missing

i get edgy, irritable, lonely even

i don't understand

it makes no sense

what is this?

========
SNAKEBOY
  lost
   alone
    dangerous   :Õ~~~>
                    .
                    .
                    .

Date: Fri, 26 Jul 1996 02:13:11 +60000
From: gashgirl@-
To: snakeboy@-
Subject: Re: a strange romance

there is no name for *this*

nevertheless

your text burns as passionately as any kiss on my lips